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OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW with Victoria Odekomaya
Welcome to the OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW where you'll learn how to own and grow your brand and market your business. Every week I interview entrepreneurs and/or share branding, marketing and business tips to grow your influence, build a profitable business and make an impact.
Victoria Odekomaya is an award winning photographer, brand & marketing strategist with over a decade of experience. She is passionate about helping women fulfill their dreams and purpose effortlessly.
Click to be featured, advertise on the show or connect with Victoria: https://mtr.bio/limstudios
OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW with Victoria Odekomaya
Healing from the Past: Overcoming Trauma and Adversity with Ann Payton | Ep 42
What if the experiences of your past are quietly sabotaging your present and future potential? Join us for a heartfelt and enlightening conversation with Ann Payton, a trauma and adversity coach, who sheds light on how even the smallest past experiences can create powerful limiting beliefs. Through her expertise, Ann explains how unnoticed traumas can shape our self-worth and identity, and offers practical advice on recognizing these hidden scars through our emotional responses.
Growing up in challenging environments, like a third-world country, can forge a unique hunger for success, but it also comes with its own set of traumas and struggles. Ann and I share personal stories to highlight the complexities of resilience and the necessity of proper healing, especially when making significant life decisions. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of domestic violence or grappling with the weight of past adversities, this conversation will inspire you to face your unresolved traumas and understand their profound impact on your personal and professional life.
For businesswomen feeling held back by unidentified issues, this episode is a treasure trove of practical methods for introspection and emotional release. Ann emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, forgiveness, and emotional awareness in overcoming past mistakes and moving forward. We discuss actionable steps for processing emotions through writing, physical expression, and finding healthy outlets for release. Tune in to discover how to embrace your healing journey, let go of deep-seated pain, and ultimately, step into a life filled with joy and fulfillment.
Let's Connect: www.calendly.com/annpayton
Website: www.annpayton.com
email: ann@annpayton.com
Trauma Checklist: www.annpayton.com/checklist
Power Me Up Radio Talk 247 iheart station >> https://www.iheart.com/live/power-me-up-radio-talk-247-9185/
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, 8 am PST and 11 am EST.
//ABOUT
Victoria Odekomaya is a Nigerian American and former drug research scientist turned brand and marketing expert. Through her Creative Agency, LiMStudios, she specializes in brand photography, video creation, and strategic marketing. Victoria's mission is to empower female entrepreneurs to be SEEN, KNOWN, and HEARD, enhancing their visual presence and attracting their ideal customers to build a BANKABLE PERSONAL BRAND. Victoria's scientific background has honed her analytical thinking, attention to detail, and problem-solving skills, which she integrates into her branding strategies. Her 23-year journey to U.S. citizenship reflects the perseverance female entrepreneurs need to overcome challenges in branding and marketing. This fuels her dedication to empower women to achieve their entrepreneurial dreams.
In 2022, Victoria launched the BOSS LADIES CAMPAIGN, giving participants a celebrity photoshoot experience to enhance their confidence and brand visibility. The campaign promotes these women through features in BOSS LADIES magazine, appearances on Victoria's 'OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW', and recognition at the BOSS LADIES GALA. The gala not only celebrates women but also raises funds for local non-profits, so far raising $19,000+ for Dove Recovery House for Women and PINK RIBBON CONNECTION.
For sponsorship/business inquiries, visit https://mtr.bio/limstudios or email hello@thelimstudios.com.
Well, I was just going to say so, for example, with some of the traumatic events in my life. At first they wore me down and I was in a drain going down with it, but it took me a while to want to get out and want to get better and want to fight for other women that have experienced that. When I was going through this forgiveness for the attacker, I had to reflect back on what I've done to hurt other people. Well, grief was created by God and there's a reason behind it, because that's part of our healing process and if you have sadness or feelings of unworthiness, there's something there that you need to grieve.
Speaker 2:I guess my question really here is how do you identify that you've gone through trauma? My guest today is ann painting. She is a coach, she's an author amazon best-selling author, I should say. I should add, um, she is a trauma and adversity coach and she works with people that have gone through adversity and might be still struggling with that and causing some limiting beliefs or thoughts that you are not enough and that might even be stopping you from fulfilling everything that God has called you to do as a business owner. So, without much ado, I just want us to dive into this conversation and just explore some of those limiting beliefs and how we can overcome it and also share some resources that we can continue to use in our daily lives. Thank you so much, anne Payton, for coming on today. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:Thank you, victoria, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:I'm doing well. I love your smile, I'm so thankful that you're here and I just appreciate you so much.
Speaker 1:Well, I appreciate you. I've learned a lot from you and your experiences as well.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you, Thank you, but you know this conversation is very hot and heavy, you know, and I feel like maybe it's not even talked about enough because maybe we are ashamed, you know, but there's a lot of things that are stopping us, as business owners, from moving forward, from progressing, from becoming everything that God has deposited into us. You know, and I know you see those every single time. You know, and so just share with us a little bit about you know, some of the struggles that you see women in particular go through that stop them from living their full life to their full potential living their full life to their full potential.
Speaker 1:Yes, and lately, with some of the people that I've been working with, I'm hearing that their feeling of themselves is they are just not enough.
Speaker 1:And I think I would say probably everybody at one point or another has felt that, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you had a major trauma or struggle.
Speaker 1:Maybe it was just you know your parents were doing the best they could with what they knew and experienced, but maybe some of the verbiage that you heard in your household didn't always lift you up. But I think that that's something that also can be triggered a lot just throughout. And you know, maybe that's something that someone said, or maybe you know someone asked a question and it may have just triggered something, and you might, you know, in a moment where no one sees, but on the inside you're screaming and on the outside you're trying to continue what your agenda is for that day. And so I do work a lot with identity and I just know right away I will put it out there and I have, I have in my book that through some of the struggles that I've lived through, there's no doubt in my mind that Jesus saved me. Jesus saved me, and more than once, and probably many times that I'm not even aware of, since he is, you know, looking over us.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So I want to just maybe step back a little bit and define trauma. Well, the first thing that I would say is trauma is different for for everybody is different for everybody.
Speaker 1:It depends on your experiences and your upbringing. Maybe you have a thicker skin and someone verbally attacks you and it may not affect you as much as it would with someone else. It depends on that person and their experience. But if you have had like a verbal attack or something that you struggled through and you're not sure it's trauma, then I do have a questionnaire to help you figure that out on my website. But some of those questions are it's asking you you know, what are you feeling? What did you feel when it happened? Were there anxiety or questions or sadness that continued on days and maybe even weeks afterwards? And you know, maybe it was a few days of sadness, but maybe then it brought up or triggered other things where you literally go into, um, you know the feelings of unworthiness or maybe even self loathing, and then you're, or maybe even self-loathing, and then you're talking about that step towards trauma and then, of course, there is the process and I just want everybody to know that there is joy in life even after adversity or trauma.
Speaker 1:Okay, so sorry go ahead.
Speaker 2:I wanted to mention that. Okay, so I grew up in Nigeria and there's a lot of hardship. I see it all around me. It was almost a norm because everybody just had one thing or the other.
Speaker 2:And you know, in your, in the beginning of your conversation or responding to that you talked about, we all have, you know, we might have thick skin, and I want to just kind of dive in a little bit into that because I feel like I'm not sure if I want to say that I have experienced trauma or adversity, but I want to learn because maybe what I see as not being adversity or trauma is really is trauma and it's, you know, showing up in certain things in my life.
Speaker 2:You see what I mean, right, because we just all grew up as this is what life is about. Like, you know, we don't have running water, sometimes there's no electricity, your parents are tired, they're trying everything they can, they they snap at you or you don't, you know, like it's just like for us it was life, you know, and so, and obviously there's a lot of sadness that comes with that, because you know, as a kid you don't understand what's going on and you're crying and you don't just you know so and just help me understand that, because I know there might be somebody out there listening and my Nigerians can testify. We go through a lot, you know.
Speaker 1:I know. And then if you haven't experienced it like you have and your other Nigerians, it's hard. For someone that didn't live with those struggles of just normal everyday needs, it's different.
Speaker 2:Right. So like, how do you I don't know, like, can you please help me understand? I know you said like there's pain for a few times. You know, continue on after that experience. Is it like a one-time experience or is it like over a period of a lifetime? Like, like, just trying to make sure? I guess my question really here is how do you identify that you've gone through trauma? Do you see what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. Well, the thing that I I'd like to say right now is struggles and trauma and adversity are cumulative. So you may have experienced one thing growing up in hardships and parents or people snapping at you, and if you took that to heart and maybe felt unloved or unworthy from that, that might be one thing that's tucked inside there in your soul and you may not think about it ever again. But then along your life something else happens and then it's in there and it kind of, and then it's in there and it kind of glues together and then maybe something else comes there. Now one person may have one to three things and they do. They go right into some of the physical and mental symptoms that we get when we have had trauma or adversity, that we get when we have had trauma or adversity, and maybe someone else had to go through six, seven, eight of them Before they accumulated enough in their own soul and identity. So one person may have a maybe because of upbringing.
Speaker 1:Person may have a maybe because of upbringing have a tougher exterior and a better mental I don't want to say health, but a mental attitude to throw that stuff off and not let it sink in and fester and that's why you will find with one person something can happen a couple times and it starts to fester and it becomes an anxiety or affects their daily lives, whereas another person it's you know much more that happens to them before they get to that point you know much more that happens to them before they get to that point.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank you for saying that. So and I something that came to mind and I think a lot of foreigners can experts that live in the United States can maybe relate with this a little bit. Where you know, because we've gone through a lot of adversity like you know, hardship, gone through a lot of adversity like you know, hardship, you know it's almost like we use that as a driving force, you know, to like better, seek better in a way. Do you see what I mean, especially when you're in a country where you know there's a lot of opportunities? So like, do you see that often? Like would you? Would you consider that as like some kind of trauma, but like maybe being spawned into a positive thing? Like, I don't know if I'm making sense.
Speaker 1:Well, let me try to reframe that question back to you to make sure I'm getting it that similar to some foreigners that may not have began their life in the United States, where we do have quite a few comfortable things that are probably more efficient than other countries, like you said, not having running water or the electricity, I know when my family moved to Mexico we couldn't buy toilet paper for two months because there just wasn't any.
Speaker 1:Right right, yes, yeah, way of life, yeah. So for me coming through, who was born in the United States and then thrown into that environment, that was like I can't believe this is happening. But if you are in that environment, in a third world country, and you've experienced that over and over and you have three ways already just from your experience, on how to handle what that is, and then they have an opportunity to maybe seek more, better and get to the United States. They may have a I would call it, they may have a hunger that's greater to seek out better than maybe someone that started here and had never experienced living or being in a third world country for a longer period of time, because it wasn't until my high school years that I even experienced a third world country. And this is just based on my experience.
Speaker 1:I have no idea what living in Nigeria is all about and I don't think I ever could unless I could, you know, put my feet in there and I don't know what it would be like growing up there. But I think that you get used to the things that you have had for years, and so that might be why we saw, even when the first foreigners came over on the ship in the United States. Who are those small business people? They were Italians and Englishmen and all of the people that were flooding the United States at that time, and those are the ones that started these businesses, and some of them became just grand, and so the hunger may be better, and that experience of those struggles may have made them tougher.
Speaker 2:Right, right. So in some cases those experiences can turn out to be a positive thing, but I still feel like there might still be some drawbacks to it, and I know you see this all the time. But in one end and I'm thinking about even here in our backyard, you know, with people living in very, very, you know, poverty-ridden society, community, you know here, and just being held back and not having enough, the same, equal amount of resources, I see that some people find it harder to have the drive to overcome that. You know what I mean. So I guess on one hand, some people can take that and be like you know what I'm going to have. That, you know I. It builds that hunger in them to go for more, whereas in some cases it's like, ooh, you know, the burden of the lack or or the, the pain or the limitation is just so heavy and it's hard to, like, you know, break through that.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly, and I think if you're looking at struggles and and, uh, the necessities of life, um, there is a difference. I think if, as you move more towards something um, uh even maybe more traumatizing, like some sort of domestic violence or, you know, unwanted sexual advances, or even just you know our soldiers see so much violence and when you see those pictures, you can't get those pictures completely out.
Speaker 1:So, those types of things, I think would affect everybody Not the same, but obviously we would all struggle with those. And even if you saw such devastation in your country, you know the cumulative effect of that. Like you just said, it could be for someone Well, I'm getting out there and fighting and go and fight for all other soldiers. So part of that, I think, is built in our psyche and that comes from our higher being.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just going to say so, for example, with some of the um traumatic events in my life. At first they wore me down and I was in a uh a drain going down with it, but it took me a while to want to get out and want to get better and want to fight for other women that have experienced that. So it can also be a delayed response.
Speaker 2:Ooh, right, it could also be a delayed response and right Could also be a delayed response. And I feel like man, this is such a like my brain is thinking about so many scenarios and everything here, but I am thinking about how, how do we like, how do these begin to like, show up in our daily lives? You know, because I find that there are some times where you know, especially when you have that tough as, tend to have that tough as skin, or you feel like you've moved past that time in point where a certain situation happened to you but it seemed like, you know, I know, in one of your books, you know, solution Oversights and Hopeless Courage. You were talking about how they still kind of like you still have those experiences, still hold us back somehow if we do not deal with them appropriately.
Speaker 1:That's true If there is a process of overcoming and healing and that can be for, you know, somebody's death, some sort of attack or violence. I just lost my train of thought. Can you repeat the question?
Speaker 2:I just was asking about how they come. You know, like those experiences, if undealt with, how they show up and stop us from, you know, fulfilling our full potential. And you know, basically, you know I'm thinking as a business owner. I know that you know we want to be successful, we want to do all of these things, but there might be a time and I can relate here where you know it's time for us to make a decision, and it's a big decision, but then we have a lot of what is a lot of? You know you're thinking true why you feel like you're not enough, or why you shouldn't be, you don't deserve this type of opportunity. Or like why this is not for, should not be for me, or oh, am I? You know, like, can this be for me? You know, should I be doing? You know we have all these different, you know, ideas that come up that stop us from really, really pursuing our dreams.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I think I can use myself as an example for this, for some of the more violent traumas that I went through when I was younger that I did not properly get help and so they just, you know, stayed there, buried. And I remember when I ran for local office in 2016, and the hatred. You know, our country is depolarized or is polarized we need to undo that but the hatred that I found affected me so much, and and part of that was probably because I had hate for a perpetrator I also had hate for myself, for, you know, whatever I thought my fault was, and then the one moment in front of a crowd where a person came up to me and just you know, three, three, four inches in front of my face, just yelling at me and and degrading me, and because I was in the wrong party, or how dare you?
Speaker 1:and then literally he then spit on me as if I was a piece of dirt. Well, I might have been able to handle that much better if I would have handled that former trauma and actually went through the process of overcoming and healing from it, but I did not. So that added to it, and so when I finally started the, I had gone through some of the process. But when I finally said and I put my foot down I'm finishing this process, I'm getting over this, because there are so many women out there that need my help, that was when I finished the process. So I don't think I would have been able to go out and write a book or coach people or speak to people until I finished that last step.
Speaker 1:So if you're a business woman and you are in a business and you're doing pretty good, but you just feel like there is something there that might be holding you back, I would take some time to reflect and it's not going to be just one hour or one walk out in nature. It's going, you know, get put this in your calendar weekly until you can sometimes pinpoint it. I've had feelings where I'm like I don't understand why I'm feeling. So, you know, I just get this overwhelming feeling of sadness or anxiety and I'm like I have no idea where this is coming from. And when that happens, I'm like, okay, I need to take a moment, I need to go outside, I need to talk, I need to walk, I need to pray, I need to meditate, and then from there, if I still haven't figured out, then I have to schedule several other times to do that.
Speaker 2:So basically, we have to get back in touch with our feelings. So basically, we have to get back in touch with our feelings.
Speaker 1:You know, you have to do the hard work of acknowledging that this is real so that we can deal with it Right? Because, depending on what's happened there, I talk in my book about good grief. Well, grief was created by God and there's a reason behind it, because that's part of our healing process. And if you have sadness or feelings of unworthiness, there's something there that you need to grieve. And, yeah, there are so many benefits to grieving. That's part of our step of releasing, of acknowledging these feelings that I have and just acknowledging them, and then, you know, reflecting on them and going through some worksheets so you can then release them. It doesn't mean that that's never, that you're going to forget it, but you're releasing it.
Speaker 2:I was getting ready to say, like does that completely get rid of it? Or like is that also a process through a journey? Because obviously, like you said, it's a compilation of different things sometimes and sometimes it's a one event, so like even the healing process. It sounds like it's a one event, so like even the healing process is. Sounds like it's a journey as well.
Speaker 1:Yes, because you're, you're going to go with um, reflecting and figuring out, first of all, what are your feelings. And you know I've brought in um. I, when I've been in in in coaching and counseling, I've had people show me that feelings wheel, because sometimes it's hard to figure out what you're feeling. But then you can. You can kind of narrow it down and so once you figure out what you're feeling, then you can start um, uh, figuring out what your process is. Do you need to forgive someone else who did something wrong to you, or do you need to forgive yourself for making some mistake that you can't seem to forgive yourself for? And I will throw this out here right now because I think it's so very important this one phrase that I got from a counselor has helped me forgive myself, forgive relatives, forgive all kinds of people.
Speaker 1:And what you need to remember, like when I go back into my teens and I think, Ann, oh, how stupid, why did you do that? And I think you know how stupid, why did you do that? I have to say to myself, and you did the best you could with the knowledge you had and the experiences you had up to that point, at whatever age it was. So let's say 22 years old.
Speaker 1:Okay, Now and you're much older than that and you have more wisdom and more experience and more knowledge. You can't expect the 22 year old and to know all that that you know now right and why is that important? So then I can forgive myself, and then I think about that when I've had, you know, spats with family members. Oh, my dad, at that point in his life he was doing the best he could.
Speaker 1:He was doing the best he could with the knowledge and experiences he had, and I even look back to someone that attacked me. You know and you think, how can you forgive that Right?
Speaker 2:That's gotta be hard.
Speaker 1:That is hard, but then you start to think of that phrase. That person attacked me, I don't, you know. Whatever his situation was, I don't know what it was. Was he doing the best he could? I don't know. But he had the knowledge and experience that he had up to that point.
Speaker 1:Now I can either, you know, hold bitterness for that, or I can say there's two things that he can do. He can maybe improve his life, get to know God and he will be saved. Or if he doesn't, and he continues to do wrong to others and hurt others, then I still need to give that to God for him to handle, and let's pray. He is a human being, he is a soul. Yes, he hurt me, but I forgave him and now I actually pray that he comes to the Lord. Because how do I know? I think he probably did the best he could with the knowledge and experience that he had, and that's how I let it go.
Speaker 2:It's good, that is so good. I just was thinking about, you know, when I was very, very young. I remember always thinking to myself whenever there's like a major event or someone did anything to me, I always felt like I heard the voice. So maybe it was just me thinking like, like in in the core of this person, they are a good person, like whoever the person that hurt me, like in the core of them that they are a really good person. But maybe something or the devil, or you know, whatever it's just like was just using them and in that very moment, because I humanized them, it helped me feel better about the situation that I might be in, because I felt like I always feel like, you know, they're good, they're good and maybe they didn't even mean to, you know, like.
Speaker 2:I don't know if it's like, but I just remember, as you were saying, that, like every time that happened to me, it made me feel better in that instance, like it made me it was easier for me to forgive, because I feel like they didn't know or they couldn't help it in a way, even though obviously it hurts, you know, and which I know, that a lot of people are going to hear this and they're going to say, yeah, but it still hurt me and it still raped me and it still and these are valid, you know, but like so, you know, I guess, depending on the scenario, it's harder or easier to forgive. But what do you say to people that you know they have a physical reminder of that instance, that it went through and it's harder to forgive?
Speaker 1:Well, I think what you said is just is phenomenal, because you knew that in the core of them there is a good person and I, I, um, I know it's kind of cliche, cliche now that you sometimes hear that hurting people hurt people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, when I was going through this forgiveness for the attacker, I had to reflect back on what I've done to hurt other people. You know, I may not have attacked someone physically, but when have I been that evil one? When have I done something that tore someone apart, whether it be verbally or you know, there's just so many ways to hurt others and sometimes it's unintentional. But I know of instances in my past where it was intentional, I was not being a good person, but I had, whatever it was, this hate or something inside me that I probably hadn't relaced, and I threw that up on somebody else. Had it relaced and I threw that up on somebody else. So then I start to think, yeah, what he did to me was really bad, but in the sight of God, what I've done to others is just as bad. It doesn't have to be a physical or, like you know, I think of of a lady that had gone through such an awful attack and a rape that she no longer, she cannot have children.
Speaker 1:That's something that she herself has to live with. Right. I would still go back to the point where how do I know, when I intentionally tried to hurt someone, that that didn't block them from something. Maybe they still think about me as a younger person and what I said to them in high school or college that just tore their heart apart. I don't know. I could have done something like that Right.
Speaker 1:And I know that there have been experiences, and so to me, I think hurting people do hurt people, and you may have had so much done to you and it's not fair. It is not fair and it doesn't really make it any right knowing that you've done something to somebody else but it somehow, in a small way, levels the playing field, because none of us are good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, only Jesus is good. Yeah, wow, like I never thought of it that way. I never thought about it that way.
Speaker 2:Well, it's funny, when I went, you know, rewriting my book and reviewing it, reviewing it, these things that I have done have popped in my head and sometimes you just have to think about those two and think about how we have hurt people intentionally or unintentionally, and what that has done to those people as well. Like you just said. Wow, okay, all right, so part of this journey I'm trying to like make sure, okay, so the first step is just reflecting and acknowledging that there was a trauma and then, just, you know, write it and acknowledging your emotions and also seeing all the sides you know, like that point of view from that person as your sides and your contribution and things like that. So what would you say is the next step for this healing journey?
Speaker 1:for this healing journey. The next thing in which I have found healing many times in my life is writing about it. It doesn't mean that you have to write a book. It doesn't mean that you have to write a letter of forgiveness and send it to them. It doesn't mean that you write a letter to yourself. It can be so many different things, but maybe there, once you have reflected and you know your feelings and you've looked at all sides of it, that's when you may have to write a letter of forgiveness to someone. You may have to write a letter of forgiveness to someone, or you may have to write a letter to God or Jesus saying I need that person to forgive me, but that person or I need to forgive him what he did to me, but he's no longer around. How do I get forgiveness for that?
Speaker 1:And that's where again, give him what he did to me, but he's no longer around. How do I get forgiveness for that? And that's where, again, it's the prayer and the writing and the meditation and working that through Jesus, and counseling and coaching, because it's not just a one and done thing.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm thinking about it from two perspectives now someone that has something done to them and someone that did something to other people. So, um, you had said, you know, like writing about it, praying about it, and, you know, seeking forgiveness and things like that. But what, if? How do I handle? How does that translate to healing? Let's say, for instance, in that example where you know the lady is not unable to now have children, the forgiveness has been done, they've gone through all that, but like, how do they reconcile that with their present reality? You know, like I still cannot have a child, right?
Speaker 1:Well, if she cannot contact that person or it may not be safe to connect with that person, again it has to be done. It has to be done almost physically and that's one reason why I say write about it. I wrote so much in my journal about the man that attacked me, days writing about it, and I would be writing so hard with that pen or pencil in the journal that you literally saw the imprint of this pencil on the other side of the page. So, writing about it, writing about my feelings, even I have in my journals where I am literally cursing at them, I'm cursing at them in my letters, I'm cursing in my journal. I'm saying how dare you.
Speaker 2:I was going to say, like, do you, do you feel like the writing about it's like you know? Does it bring up more emotion that makes you even more mad or even more upset, you know, and does that go away eventually? Or does that help, you know, after you know, I guess? I guess I'm thinking of it as, like you know, a bottle that is like you know, like a bottle of you know soda that's been shook, shaking up a lot, and it's just like ready to combust, you know, and yeah, and you're just like ready to explode. And maybe what I'm hearing you say is like the writing about it and all the emotion that has been brought up is just it's necessary to just let it go.
Speaker 1:It has to come out to heal. And if you. You know, some people will do really major physical exercise to get it out, like they may be running and they're saying you had no right. Or they're writing, and you know writing, not on a computer. I guess you could like break your computer if you're so angry. But in writing it was emotional and physical, because I'm actually writing and I'm pressing hard and the emotions are coming up and I am crying and I am yelling, while I'm writing that had to come out.
Speaker 1:It has to come out. If you can't release that, you can't get to the next step. And that's why I think it's so easy to bury, bury, bury and bury it for so many years that you then have troubles getting it out.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead, no, no, go ahead, go ahead, like I just yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I just remember one thing, which you know. I don't know if there was anyone in the cemetery at the time when I was doing this, but when my father died I'm sitting in the cemetery at the time when I was doing this. But when my father died, I'm sitting in the cemetery right there where my dad was buried and I am on my knees and I am yelling at God and I am so angry at God and I'm using language with God that I shouldn't be using with God, that I shouldn't be using, and that you know the tears were flowing and the anger was out, and you know. And then I left there and I wrote about it, and then I was okay because I got it out.
Speaker 1:And you know, sometimes if a perpetrator is not around or they've passed to the next life, god can handle this. Take that anger and release and say God, I don't know what to do. I have this anger and anger for this person. They did this to me and it's now with me for the rest of my life. I can't have children, and you know he's there for that too.
Speaker 2:I was just getting ready to say that, like you know, I know some people might listen to this and say well, you're supposed to be a Christian. How should you? Why would you be yelling at God and using language with him? But, like I think you just hit it in the head when you said he's got us, he wants us to be real with him and bring all our troubles to him and say you know what this is all of it? Like. This is how I'm feeling right now, and I know, and it is a release.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he can handle it.
Speaker 2:And yeah, I'm sure there were people in that cemetery, because I wasn't paying attention to anything but yelling at God, right, like you know, and I think we just need to be more vulnerable and be okay with being vulnerable with God, you know, and being real with because I can imagine, I can see how that leads to the release and the healing. Like, there was this movie that I watched um some time ago and I think it's why did I get married, either one or two? And you know it was Janet Jackson and she was just she. She took a bath and she just went at everything in the house.
Speaker 2:You know just to, because it was it has just bubbled up for so much, you know, and I know you know there are some times that I've seen people that, like, just breaking things just feels good, to just let it go, let it out. You know, like I just want to, you know just to release. So I would say like, maybe even in addition to writing, just like finding what is that release for you and just you know, including yelling to God. I feel like we've mentioned multiple things like writing, journaling, like yelling to God and say, look, or breaking things in a healthy manner, you know, in a controlled manner, with an expert like you, I think it's necessary to just, you know, get that healing started.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and there were two things that I did when I got divorced and I I started training in Taekwondo and learning how to fight and and fighting that fake man that was spongy and, um, I even took our wedding dishes and went outside to a certain area where nobody was and I pretended I was from the Greek culture and I smashed dishes. Wow, anything physical it'll work, yeah, but, like you said, in a healthy and safe environment. You certainly wouldn't want to do that yeah, you would hurt yourself or somebody else right, oh, wow, that.
Speaker 2:that, yeah, I can totally feel that release and I feel like I need to get out and let some things go to like break some dishes, right, wow. So, like, I want to like kind of draw this back into entrepreneurship. You know, like you know, I feel like there's some times where we don't even know what is holding us back. And if we're fortunate to identify that, thankfully you are there and available to help people talk through this and identify this for stopping us from being good enough, I feel like that would really set us free, because the limiting beliefs, the thoughts of not being good enough, it's just, it's not, it's not acceptable. You know, I feel like God has so much in store for us and we just need to move past the lies of the enemies to go get what God has for us and what he wants to use us for for others too.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, and, and something always comes good of it. Romans 8, yeah, and, and something always comes good of it. Um, roman 828, he turns everything into good for those who believe. And, um, when I did start Taekwondo, I ended up getting a black belt and that gave me so much confidence and self-worth so I had no idea that's what was going to happen.
Speaker 1:Yelling at him at the cemetery brought us closer. Something good is going to come out of it, and you're right. If you're in business and you feel like something's stuck stuck, take the time for yourself. Or, you know, get some help. Talk to a coach. Or maybe you have a counselor that you work with. You know, reach out to them. Or maybe you have a sister in Christ that has experienced several things. You know. Sometimes just knowing that there's somebody out there that has had the same experience is comforting. Yeah, you know you're not alone. You're not the only one.
Speaker 2:That's right, not the only one, okay, so I wanted to. I have one question before I wrap up with another question that I have. I wrap up with another question that I have, but you know we've talked a lot about what I feel like at the hard or easy things. To the hard things that are maybe easier to identify. But for us, for a small business owner or female entrepreneur that don't even they just know that they feel stuck but they are hard for them to identify that this could be linked to a trauma. What are some of the signs that they should seek out or pay attention to to say, look, I need the service of a professional to help me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and I have some of those on my trauma checklist, which is free on my website. But I noticed for myself because what had happened to me. I buried it and just thought, oh, it'll go away, no problem. But one of the things that I noticed was because of the physical attack that one of the things that I noticed was that I noticed was I would be watching a movie or a TV show with similar experience going on and I had to leave the room. I couldn't see it.
Speaker 1:I couldn't watch it without feeling like my heart was going to come out through my throat. I also remember reading books, and reading a book that had a similar experience in there. I also have like been like in group conversations where another lady would talk about her story and there were times in the beginning that I could not contain my emotions and I would have to leave the group and go into the bathroom and literally sit there in the stall and bawl my eyes out and release some of it before.
Speaker 1:I continue on Now. Did I understand all of that at the time? Not necessarily, but if you're seeing things like that and there's other, there's other triggers that you'll find in that checklist, in that checklist, if some of those things are happening, or several of those things are happening, that is a good sign that you may need to get some professional help. Yeah.
Speaker 2:As you were talking, I was thinking about how I've heard somebody else go through this and I can relate with that where the moment an opportunity comes up or what seemed like an opportunity, they tell themselves about five to 10 ways why that is not for them and it should be not for them. You know, it's almost like you're talking yourself out of it and she, she had to catch herself telling herself, you know, talking herself out of those situations. So it's like sometimes it can be very subtle you know what I mean and sometimes it can be very, you know, apparent, like in your situation. But like some things, as you know, it's a good opportunity but like we're thinking about so many reasons why it's not for us.
Speaker 1:And if some of that's based on fear, then that's that's a sign. What are you afraid of?
Speaker 2:Yes, that's what I was Okay.
Speaker 1:There's so many things to be afraid of, right? So if if part of reaching out and getting more exposure on your business is meeting people face to face or making phone calls or stuff like that and you've you've dealt with a lot of rejection before, maybe your fear is of rejection, but it doesn't necessarily have to be rejection. It could be a lot of different things and that might might help a business entrepreneur if they need like, for instance, one thing that I hesitated a lot and it was social media, and I know social media is needed for entrepreneurs these days and I feel like this example is going to be helpful for a lot of people, because a lot of people you know they have the same fear.
Speaker 2:So please go ahead.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just hesitated and didn't do social media and it took me a while. But for those that are viewing this podcast, maybe it's for me it was because I thought everything I would write or put out there they're going to think I'm stupid. I didn't feel like my words were eloquent enough. I felt like I didn't have big words in my vocabulary to use. Or maybe I'd put a picture up there that you know in my mind wasn't a good picture. Oh well, they're going to think I'm ugly. Or they're going to think I'm stupid. Or you try to be vulnerable with your social media and write something and then what goes through your head is oh well, they're now going to think less of me, you know we all do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, raise your hand if you felt any of those.
Speaker 1:Amen sister.
Speaker 2:It does.
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of people, even with you, know, getting on podcasts or getting on and doing a video, we're afraid of looking stupid. Yes, we are so afraid of what other people are. People are going to think, but then if you do get out there and you know baby step as a time and you put yourself out there, you then may get a response saying thank you, ann, for sharing that. Your vulnerability is helping me get out of my shell. Me get out of my shell, and seeing you stepping out makes me feel like, well, if she can do it then I can do it.
Speaker 2:Wow, yes, and that is so, so powerful. Okay, so I know you have talked a lot about your program. I know you have an event, an in-person event, a workshop coming up, but you also have a free workshop that is on your website. Tell us about how we can get our hands on your resources, because you've shared with us a lot about what we can do, the very first steps on. You know, identifying this and some of the things that we can do to get on the journey of healing, but we obviously need professional help and you have a lot of resources. So tell us how we can get our hands on some of these resources and how you can help.
Speaker 1:Okay, the best thing is to go to my website, which is annpaytoncom and that's A-N-N-P-A-Y-T-O-Ncom, and on there you'll find some free things. The one thing is the trauma checklist. If there is any doubt in your mind, download that for free and look it over and reflect on it. If you just you think you know what's going on and you just need to talk to someone on there, there is a free, complimentary call on there and we can talk and maybe I can just give you some insight on where to go next. Maybe it's something that I can help with, but what I want is to talk to you so I can give you insight, what I think is best for you. You know I'm not trying to sell you coaching. I want to see what's happening and then, if I know, the best place for you to go is to is your previous counselor or a minister. That's what I would encourage you to do.
Speaker 1:The third thing is I have a workshop on my website that's for free. It's an hour long. The workshop and the tools and the resources on that are for any adversity or trauma. However, I do specifically talk about sexual trauma, but the tools and the resources are the same, whether it's that trauma or another trauma. Okay, cause, the process or processes are similar.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And then I also have on my website my books and um my adversity university and my coaching program. That all came from my book solutions oversights and I believe it's $15 on Amazon. The link is on my website a lot of times. That's a good place to start. I do have an in-person workshop that's coming up September 20th in Indianapolis. It's, and the worksheets that we will be doing is relevant for any type of adversity or trauma.
Speaker 2:Okay, and I want to add that you are also on high art radio twice a week, so people can listen to you talk about this, you know, and you know walk through some of that, some of those issues, in case they are not ready yet, but they can also listen to you until they get the, you know, come up with the confidence to make that move, to reach out to.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and if they go to my um my uh Facebook page, um which I can give you that link as well, victoria, I have information on every radio show that's coming up and you can tune in Monday, wednesday or Friday, I'll give you the link and I do. It's a half an hour show.
Speaker 1:I talk about, just you know, things that can help anyone get started with any of these experiences that we've talked about, and I also bring on other professionals that have additional knowledge and experience that I want my viewers to see as well, and then there's opportunities to find out more about them and their websites and offerings to people. Right, and I know you also have the coffee talk on Facebook and just hoping to you know, target certain things that I think a lot of people go through and just trying to give them some value or things that they can start doing right away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Thank you so much. I am going to put the links to everything your Facebook, your websites, the books and everything in the comments. So please take advantage of these resources, take advantage of the free consultation. Sometimes talking to someone goes a long way and Anne, right here, is offering that, and thank you. Thank you so much again, ann, for coming. I really appreciate this conversation. I feel like it's not. We don't have it often enough, and we really should, because there's a lot of things stopping us from fulfilling the calling of God upon our lives, and if we can get help, we should and know how to get that help. So thank you again for coming on.
Speaker 1:My pleasure. Thank you so much, and I know God has beautiful surprises for all your listeners coming up. You just have to get out there and grab them, get out there and grab them.
Speaker 2:until next time, don't forget that. Take care.
