OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW with Victoria Odekomaya

Feel to Heal: Jennifer Chapman on Self-Awareness, Grief, and Taking Back Your Power | Epi 57

• Victoria Odekomaya • Episode 57

Share episode

Send us a text

What happens when your body forces you to slow down before you give yourself permission to? At just 34 years old, Jennifer Chapman had a stroke—and in that moment, everything changed.

In this raw, healing-filled episode, Victoria sits down with Jennifer—executive coach, speaker, and founder of Just Commit Coaching—to unpack what it means to actually do the inner work. From overcoming hustle culture to healing childhood grief, Jennifer takes us on a journey of self-awareness, emotional release, and reclaiming your voice.

We talk about:

  • The moment Jennifer realized her stroke mirrored the age her mother passed away
  • Why you have to feel to heal, even in professional spaces
  • Tools to quiet your inner critic and reframe negative self-talk
  • How self-care without guilt is a revolutionary act
  • The real reason so many of us avoid healing—and what to do instead
  • The surprising power of asking yourself “why?”

She also shares details about her upcoming Just Commit Masterclass, packed with practical tools to prioritize yourself (without guilt) and start living like you matter.

💬 This episode is an invitation to pause, feel, and ask the questions you may have been avoiding. If you’ve ever said, “I’m fine,” when you really weren’t—this conversation is for you.

🔗 Listen now and take one powerful step closer to healing on purpose.

//ABOUT

Victoria Odekomaya is a Nigerian American and former drug research scientist turned brand and marketing expert. Through her Creative Agency, LiMStudios, she specializes in brand photography, video creation, and strategic marketing. Victoria's mission is to empower female entrepreneurs to be SEEN, KNOWN, and HEARD, enhancing their visual presence and attracting their ideal customers to build a BANKABLE PERSONAL BRAND. Victoria's scientific background has honed her analytical thinking, attention to detail, and problem-solving skills, which she integrates into her branding strategies. Her 23-year journey to U.S. citizenship reflects the perseverance female entrepreneurs need to overcome challenges in branding and marketing. This fuels her dedication to empower women to achieve their entrepreneurial dreams.

In 2022, Victoria launched the BOSS LADIES CAMPAIGN, giving participants a celebrity photoshoot experience to enhance their confidence and brand visibility. The campaign promotes these women through features in BOSS LADIES magazine, appearances on Victoria's 'OWN YOUR BRAND SHOW', and recognition at the BOSS LADIES GALA. The gala not only celebrates women but also raises funds for local non-profits, so far raising $19,000+ for Dove Recovery House for Women and PINK RIBBON CONNECTION.

For sponsorship/business inquiries, visit https://mtr.bio/limstudios or email hello@thelimstudios.com.

Victoria Odekomaya:

I know you have another masterclass coming up. Tell us about that, because I know I'm going to join it and I know there's so many people listening now. They're like, okay, I need a taste of this.

Jennifer Chapman:

So my next masterclass is March 18th, on a Tuesday at 12 pm again. So lunchtime and it's all about self-care is such a huge word and it means so much more than I think we think that it does, and so I'm going to providing strategies and tools that you can use to prioritize yourself without guilt, but we live in this hustle culture where it's like, do, do, do, and it's how we were learned, taught and learned from past generations and what we see around us on social media and out in the world, and what's my purpose for surviving this.

Jennifer Chapman:

It also opened my eyes to oh, I haven't completely healed from that loss and that grief and that's a huge part of not only my journey, everybody's journey, because grief is universal and no one teaches you how to process it. It's really therapeutic for me to continue to share my story in such a vulnerable way, because it allows me to continue to do my healing and, I hope, to elevate others' awareness and create their aha moments of where do I still need to go?

Jennifer Chapman:

to heal, because I think a lot of people don't realize they have to go where they don't think they still need to go to heal. You have to feel to heal and we're taught really not to do that. Well, right, especially in professional environments when things happen, you're really kind of taught to separate the two, right. Don't bring it to work, don't talk about it at work, certainly. And you're really kind of taught to separate the two Don't bring it to work, don't talk about it at work, certainly, don't feel or express your emotions in a professional setting. How long has everybody been doing that, right, let alone. Then maybe you get home and that's not even a safe place for you, maybe, or it comes out in a different way that you don't want it to. I think it's giving yourself permission that you have to feel, to heal. I think the most powerful question when you're in moments like that I mean what's coming up for me right now, in this moment is why Ask yourself why.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Own your Brand Show with Victoria Odeko-Meyer. Imagine with me you're 34 years old, you have a stroke and then you maybe think or remember that this is the same age that your mom passed away from stroke. Just imagine that for a second. Who thinks that anyone at the age of 34, or even younger around that age, would have a stroke? Well, my guest today is Jennifer Chapman. She is an executive coach, she's a speaker, a facilitator and the owner of Just Commit Coaching. She had a stroke at 34, and she's gone through a healing process which has now been a big part of what she does with people, to have that inner healing. Today, she's going to be walking us through our journey and sharing with us tips and, you know, things that we can do to go through our own inner journey as well. Without much ado, let's get into it. How are you doing?

Jennifer Chapman:

today I'm good.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Thanks so much for having me, oh my goodness. So I cannot wait to hear the story of how this whole thing started. But before we go into it, can you just tell us a little bit more about you?

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, so thanks for having me. I appreciate it. So, born and raised in Indianapolis, and I'm from the south side of Indianapolis and went to Ball State and pursued a marketing degree and went into the world of sales 20 years ago which is wild so my background is primarily in sales, both corporate level and a couple privately or family owned size companies, a couple different industries. I've now been a coach and facilitator and speaker for about three years.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yes, Wow, so, 34 years old, you had a stroke. Tell us what led into that.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, so the year before that. So I was in corporate, the corporate sales environment, and the year before that I had the best year of my career.

Jennifer Chapman:

So I was on this professional high and because I'm an overachiever and big time competitor, I'm trying to go for another president's club and I was putting more pressure on myself. Looking back now I know that I was, and as I was, transitioning roles with that company. I was transitioning roles in March of 2017. And the day, the day that I was supposed to meet my sales leader out in the field to kind of learn the ropes of the new territory, my body and life had different plans for me. Wow.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So, as you were describing that, I'm thinking about all the overachieving women out there. You know that we're always go, go, go. We want to get you know and so and I know that that's part of what you do, you know, just helping us go through that whole inner journey, healing journey, you know, but I know we're going to get there. But, like, I'm just kind of drawing some parallel between what you're describing, your life, and a lot of people that I know out there. You know Totally, because it's our culture.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, we live in this hustle culture where it's like do, do, do, right, do do.

Jennifer Chapman:

And we we've learned we it's, it's how we were learned, taught and learned from, you know, past generations and and what we see around us on social media and out in the world. And our body's tracking all of that Like so that's why so many people have, you know, chronic illnesses, and stress causes so much damage, whether we're consciously aware of it or not, of what it's actually doing to us, until, potentially, we have to slow. You know our body's going to tell us to slow down before we give ourselves permission to slow down, right right.

Victoria Odekomaya:

And so, along the way, I know you've done a lot of inner work. You know and I want to dive into all of that because that's what you help other people do too right, but like, at some point you eventually figured out that that was the same age that your mom, you know, had a stroke and passed away passed away too.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, and and I want to clarify, she didn't pass from a stroke, but nonetheless it was very. It was suddenly and quickly and tragically when I was 11 years old. And yeah, the stroke was kind of a wake up call to know not only I was the same age she was when she passed away and it's like what's my purpose for surviving this? It also opened my eyes to, oh, I haven't completely healed from that loss and that grief and that's a huge part of not only my journey, everybody's journey, because grief is universal and no one teaches you how to process it.

Victoria Odekomaya:

And that's what you do now. Yes, tell us about that.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, it's really therapeutic for me to continue to share my story in such a vulnerable way, because it allows me to continue to do my healing and, I hope, to elevate others' awareness and create their aha moments of where do I, you know in question, where do I still need to go to heal? Because I think a lot of people don't realize they have to go, where they don't think they still need to go to heal.

Victoria Odekomaya:

I believe that, yeah, that's interesting. So like when you what does that process kind of look like when you say go to a place to heal?

Jennifer Chapman:

I can provide you my specific experience and example of what I because I didn't know what that really meant until I did, and so it wasn't until 2021 when I started to explore my coaching certification and understand what. What does it mean? What kind of coach do I want to be? Who do I want to serve? I went through this, the process of utilizing the tools that I have to serve other clients you know clients. Now, I had to. I had to go through it myself, and so I was gifted this session in September of 21.

Jennifer Chapman:

I was gifted this session by a master coach, and I didn't know that was the day that I was going to go where I had to go, which was as she was guiding me so beautifully. I basically had to go back and heal my 11-year-old self, the girl that lost her mom at age 11. I had not met her yet, and that's the root of where the work began for me is to meet my 11-year-old self and to speak to her and tell her what she maybe has not yet heard from either me as the adult version of me, and also what she needed to hear from my mom that she hadn't heard yet. It was. It was the most powerful session I've ever had in my life, just take us through that process as much as you can, ooh.

Jennifer Chapman:

She just said. You know, she she led with and I had seen, through the course of the year, other women be live coached on our calls and I saw them go where they had to go, Because a lot of our healing comes from when we were kids. It all comes from childhood. Everyone's experienced some sort of trauma is a big word, and it can be little trauma, big trauma. If you have not resolved it, though, those parts of you are playing out, so it doesn't have to be as big, as get their wheels turning is like what did I experience as a kid that maybe I haven't really dealt with yet, or there's a pattern of behavior playing out now that, oh, it stems from when I was a kid and that's how I acted, or you know. And so for me, when she asked me that during the session, you know, I told her my childhood looked really great until age 11.

Jennifer Chapman:

And then I had a sudden loss to my mom and she said okay, let's go there. And she said what? What did your 11 year old self need to hear from your mom? That she hadn't heard yet and I just had never been asked that question before and it was really just comforting her and right and telling her you're, you're going to be okay, You're, you can do this, and it was. It was incredibly empowering, incredibly emotional, Because then I could see my mom sitting in front of me, eyes closed. It was like, oh, she's here and I think that I had protected myself for at that point, 28 years to know what a relationship with my mom could feel like until that very moment. And then, kind of, the guards came down, the walls came down. It's like I want to know that she's with me now every step of the way, and she has been.

Victoria Odekomaya:

My goodness, I'm about to tear up right now, just envisioning all that looks like. Yeah, wow, it was powerful. Yeah, so what lesson have you learned, you know, from your healing journey, your experience?

Jennifer Chapman:

Great question. I think I know that you have to feel, to heal, and we're taught really not to do that well, right, especially in professional environments when things happen, you're really kind of taught to separate the two Don't bring it to work, don't talk about it at work, certainly don't feel or express your emotions in a professional setting. How long has everybody been doing that Right, let alone. Then maybe you get home and it's that's not even a safe place for you, maybe, or it comes out in a different way that you don't want it to, and I've.

Jennifer Chapman:

I think it's giving yourself permission, that you have to feel, to heal, and I hired my first life coach in 2018, so about a year after my stroke, when I was mentally and emotionally struggling, I was very, I felt very. It was just this instability and it was also what I know to be true is like everybody needs somebody, and this coach for me was my somebody. You know I had. I had friends and family and they were wonderful, and yet they could only take me so far, and it was bringing this person into my life that provided this nonjudgmental, non-biased, safe space for me to process. And I will also say that because when I would meet with her, I would cry a lot and I would apologize for it, or I would try and push it down and tell her like I don't want to be crying anymore.

Victoria Odekomaya:

I am done with this. It's kind of like that emotion that you were talking about Exactly.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, so I was. That's what I was trying to do and if you think about it, how hard is it to push back tears, like it physically hurts to keep it in Right, and yet that's how we're trained. And so she gave me that permission to say it's got to come up and out. Your body's telling you it's got to come up and out. So let it, because it only takes 90 seconds on average to let that emotion move through your body.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Right.

Jennifer Chapman:

It's a lot harder to keep it in Right, and so then, if you continuously keep that in, once it does come out it may come up bigger and louder than you even want it to, versus allowing yourself to do it on a consistent basis.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Right, and I'm imagining, like you were saying, keeping it in. You know, I just imagine the aggregates of over time of keeping it in and then the next thing in, and then it's like I feel like eventually we're just going to bust Explode.

Jennifer Chapman:

Explode. Yeah, that's a big lesson I've learned and share with as many people as I can and, if I can be your permission slip to do so. And it's been really incredible to see that when I speak to different groups or audiences, especially women, that they, that their walls come down and that they show their tears and it's welcomed. I want to see that because when I share with them it's like how hard is it to physically hold back tears?

Jennifer Chapman:

a collective head nod happens right like it hurts, yeah, and then it's like we have to allow that your body's telling you and, and then and then the protective walls come down.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So I just just shifting gears a little bit here. I attended one of your online masterclass last month and it really helped me because you were helping us to shape how we like like negative self-talk, you know, and I've been using a lot of the things that you shared no, seriously, because you know I'm catching it and I'm reframing it. So, in your experience and I know you work with a lot of people you do a lot of speaking on this topic, right, and, to be frank, negative self-talk is. It's a big deal and I think that a lot of us don't even recognize that it's there, you know, because it's just part of our daily life and we just move on with it, you know. So kind of like help us unpack that a little bit what you're seeing. You know more with people as you. You know, speak as you do your classes, yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

Great, great point, and I'll share that. What I've, what I've learned and what I know, is that we are hardwired for protection and we're hardwired for survival and so our minds have been trained to keep us safe and comfortable by holding us back. So we have about 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. That's a lot. That's a lot of thoughts. A majority of them are repetitive. You hear them over and over again. A majority of those repetitive thoughts are negative.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Right.

Jennifer Chapman:

It's what we call our inner critic, it's what we call the ego. That's our ego holding us back. And so my invitation when I speak to people is to lean in with curiosity and start to pay attention to your own inner voice. And that starts first thing in the morning when you look at yourself in the mirror. Are you kind to yourself in the mornings in the mirror or are we judging and criticizing? That's the tone you're setting for your day, and so if you can quickly catch that in the morning and start to have that relationship with yourself in the mirror and act kinder to yourself, that's going to set a different tone for your day. Other great examples and the power of reframe is when we say some. You know, when we say things like I can't do this, or I'm not good enough, or I'm not ready enough, or I'm not capable enough, or I'm not qualified enough for that role, your mind is going to find evidence of whatever you say is true.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

So if you're telling yourself you can't or you're not ready, your mind's going to go into all the reasons why you're not ready.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So I have to tell you this, sorry to cut you off, you're good, I actually taught my kids the same thing. I was like, ok, I just learned this. And because it was like an experiment that I did after we had that you know session and I started seeing all the like you called it like the proof, you know, like you know to support that negative self-thought, right, and so it was easy for me to explain it to them and say, okay, so you think that maybe something is wrong with mom, because you haven't heard from me, because you know I'm just trying to give an example right For my to my kids, and then you haven't heard from me, because you know I'm just trying to give an example right for my, to my kids, and then maybe you call my phone and I don't pick up. So you see, like that there's another evidence. It's like, oh, maybe something is wrong.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So it's kind of feeding into some of that negative thoughts, you know, and I could see the light bulb just go up, you know, go off in their head or like, and I'm like, well, maybe, let's say you're watching tv and then now all of a sudden, you're watching a YouTube show about someone losing a parent and now you're, you know so it was so real. And they I feel like it's one thing that you said earlier that I'm beginning to pay attention to more is like, like you said, the, the trauma. They all kind of start when we were younger. So I'm trying to maybe kind of help my kids now that they're young, before they. You know, I'm sure I'm not perfect, but just wanted to give you that testimony or that your session helped me and now I'm helping my children.

Jennifer Chapman:

That's powerful. That's powerful because, even if the words that you're you maybe aren't saying to them, they're, they're watching you right, they're going to they watch your behavior and the action steps that you take. So even as you start to retrain your mind to more of the positive, they're picking up on all of that. So it certainly starts and ends with you, every single day. Yeah.

Victoria Odekomaya:

And I'm trying to really empower them to start reframing their thought process the moment that negative self-thought comes like. Change it all, because you have the power to change. That's what I heard from you too. That's it.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, that's it, it's. You can take one thing away from when.

Victoria Odekomaya:

I speak or a conversation like this.

Jennifer Chapman:

It's the power of self-talk and what does that sound like? And the tweak of one small word from, for example, if you say a sentence to somebody and then you use the word, but you just negate it everything they just said, versus saying I hear your point and I see it differently. Or I'm going to take a different approach versus saying like but I disagree with that. Right, it shifts, it's such a powerful shift.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

So it certainly it starts with you, because that will then create the ripple effect Like you're talking about, to your kids or to your spouse, or to your co-workers.

Victoria Odekomaya:

They're, they're gonna catch that, and it sounds different when you have such a positive tone or inflection in your voice versus, versus the negative, and that's an energy thing too, right, okay, so I know that you know from a spiritual point of view, like, you know like when you say things into the world, it happens, right, you know like so, but I also know that it starts with the thought process. So can you help me connect that? Because it seems like the moment you change that thought, then you're likely to say positive things that then you know, end up like is there any relation between all of that? Like, how do you connect all of that dots?

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, I definitely think there is correlation. The bigger universe and world. However you look at that or connect to that, it wants to work for you. The only conflict or challenge or barrier that's going to get in your way is your own mind is you.

Jennifer Chapman:

That's going to get in your way is your own mind, is you? So? Whatever you put out into again, you know, talking to yourself and reframing into a positive way, your mind's easily going to find all the evidence of why that's true. And another example is like the power and practice of gratitude, like acknowledging the things that you're grateful for every single day, the world around you and your mind. You're retraining it to continuously find all the great things around you. Yeah, so and I share that because it's really important and it's easy to practice that on a really good day, when you're having a really good day, you can rattle off eight to 10 things that you're grateful for. Right, the power is when you're having a tough day, still being able to tap into what you're grateful for is going to continuously reach. You know, rewire your brain to allow you to continue to seek the really great things on the really tough days.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So would you suggest? I kind of want to go into a little bit of like, some of the tools that we can use to empower us to be, you know, be ready for those tough days, right yeah, what are some of the tools? I didn't want to just preemptively say some of the things, but what would you say?

Jennifer Chapman:

That's the practice of gratitude is certainly one of them. So, whether you wake up first thing in the morning and write down three things, it's even in a. What I've started to do more and more is do it at the end of the day, where you acknowledge what you were grateful for that day, because that sets a positive tone in your mind before you go to bed. Yes, I like that Versus beat yourself up potentially for the things you maybe didn't get done or you weren't satisfied with.

Jennifer Chapman:

Change it, flip it Acknowledge yeah, I did these three things well, or I got to slow down and take five minutes for myself today, or I got to share a cup of coffee with a friend today, or I got to slow down and take five minutes for myself today, or I got to share a cup of coffee with a friend today, or I got to go for a walk with my dog today. Continuously find those things. The small things are the big things, and so I think a really great practice to put in place is either do both, if you want to right, start the day with a couple of things that you're grateful for and end the day with what went really well, versus.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So I've studied this whole process of affirmations, just writing out some of the things that I want to happen. I want to see, you know, and I feel like that list it keeps growing okay and and I don't know when it's enough. But, like you know the list, but I just I've, I'm consciously be, um, you know, writing things down that I want to speak into the world, I want to to myself, particularly to my children, to you know, and would you say that affirmation is also a good thing, to yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

Oh, it's such a great thing and another thing that I've done that, if you don't necessarily want to put them on a sticky note, still recommend, right, if you put them on your mirror, on your laptop screen or in your office or in your car, is I've left myself a voice note?

Victoria Odekomaya:

Ooh, I like that.

Jennifer Chapman:

Like a recorded. It's like 90 seconds and. I'm speaking what I'm already doing in the future, like the vision I have for my future self.

Jennifer Chapman:

So, it's my husband and I, you know, traveling in our Airstream RV around the country. I'm able to work from wherever I get to work from. I'm sitting by, you know, a river, I'm in the mountain, we get to go for a hike, we're walking with our dog, we're eating amazing food. Like playing that every day, like you're putting that into your future self and you then continuously start to make decisions and choices based on how to get that your future self.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah, that's powerful. I have to do that. I'm going to start doing that. Try it on Leaving voice messages for myself, and sometimes even on a bad day, you can listen to that again and just kind of cheer you up.

Jennifer Chapman:

That's right. I love a great example of just do it on the good days.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

That's easier to do.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

Great, still do it, but try it on every day because it's going to hopefully make those tougher days a little less tough, because if you don't, that tough day could continue, you know, trickle into the next day, right, and into the next day. So it's important to know it's okay to not be okay, it's just not okay to stay. Not okay, okay, say that one more time. Yeah, so there's, there's. There was an infamous phrase, that's that was put out there a couple of years ago I think I don't know if the NFL did it or where I caught it. Okay To acknowledge, like it's okay to not be okay, it's just not okay to stay. Not okay, don't stay in it, don't sit in it. I mean sit in it, just don't stay sitting in it. Certainly don't negate or skip over the hard or the negative, that's all part of life.

Jennifer Chapman:

That's all part of being a human being. It's part of it's a why I do what I do is because I feel like I've done that well. I can navigate the hard really well and it's what Brene Brown says like embrace the suck. A lot of people don't want to do that because it's hard. The longer you try and push away the hard or avoid it, it's going to make for a harder life.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah, long term. Oh my goodness, wow. I feel like we're going full circle now because kind of where we started this conversation about like just pushing out all that emotions, we're going to go kind of back there now and it's just important to. What I'm hearing from you is just deal with it as quickly as you can and maybe even ask for help. You know, from a coach like you or a friend you know to say like let's just talk through it, whatever that is, to process that emotion or what that situation is, and that on the long run, that's better Totally.

Jennifer Chapman:

I mean, I, I see it, the people I meet in the place, you know the rooms that I, that I, you know that I'm in, I'm a very I consider myself to be a very self-aware. That's also foundational. If I can say that, um, that's a muscle that you continuously build, is a self, the self-awareness muscle. I a lot of people are not overly self-aware um, and that spills out. Yeah, it's an energy thing. I don't remember my point in kind of sharing that, aside from, I can tell the people when I go into a room that are and that are not, you kind of pay attention, I see it, I feel it, I hear it, I know it. Who's willing to lean in with curiosity and do the hard, versus the people that continuously avoid it, numb it, resist it, fight it. It just doesn't, it's not going to serve you. It might serve you today, right, like in the short term.

Victoria Odekomaya:

It will not serve you in the long term, okay so, I have to ask the question For those that are, you know, avoiding it. Do you think there's a reason why they're avoiding, or they're just not aware? Like you're saying, they don't want?

Jennifer Chapman:

to feel. You have to feel, to heal. I can't reiterate that enough. People think that they can outthink their way through the hard Right, the loss, the tough, the grief. You cannot outthink your way through any of it.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Or walk through it like I'm just going to stay busy.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, which is avoiding. So it's like asking yourself the hard question of what? What am I doing right now and why? What am I avoiding by by doom scrolling or by binge watching something, or by numbing myself by overeating or drinking, or whatever that vice is for you? What are you avoiding? A lot of people do not want to sit in the still, which is why I think it's also another powerful practice that I implemented seven years ago, which is the power of meditation. I think a lot of people struggle to even understand what meditation is. Well, I can't shut my brain off. It's not meant to do that. Your brain doesn't shut off, but can you sit in it for a few minutes?

Jennifer Chapman:

and kind of come back to breath and stillness and calmness. It certainly is not going to shut off your thoughts.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Right, right, Okay. Well, I'm glad you said that, because the first time I tried, the first time I tried to meditate, I felt like I was falling asleep and I was like I'm not sure if that's what I'm supposed to do. That's not a bad place to be.

Jennifer Chapman:

Oh yeah, that's that's. That's not bad at all. A lot of people struggle, you know. They only give themselves two minutes and then they feel like they have to go do something. And it's like that may be your tendency at first. I mean, I started with three-minute meditations. You're sitting there kind of wondering what am I supposed to do. But seven years later, giving myself 15 to 20 minutes a morning and it's guided the practice I do is guided. He's such a great reminder for me every morning because he'll remind me to come back if you end up going down a rabbit hole or start to think about what am I, what am I going to wear today, or what meetings do I have today, or I don't want to go to this thing tonight, Whatever you're saying, he then he reminds me to come back to the breath and just start to count your breaths, and it's. It's served me really well to then, in the external chaos of life, when things get loud, I can remain pretty calm, that's good.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, that's good.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So I'm sitting out here thinking for those people that are out there that don't even know that they are avoiding things, or you know, or that they have the issue that needs to be resolved. What is one thing that you could say to them right now that would hopefully, you know, turn that light bulb on and say, okay, wait a minute, I need to deal with something, you know. Whatever that is, you know.

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, that is such a good question.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Because I'm just thinking, like you know, we're having this conversation and people are like do I fall in that category? You know, do I need services? Like you know, do I need to talk to Jennifer? You know what I mean.

Jennifer Chapman:

Like because I think the most powerful question when you're in moments like that well, I mean, what's coming up for me right now in this moment is why ask yourself why I'm doing this right, I'm, I'm, I'm on my third glass of wine or you know, know, I've eaten, I'm, I'm, I'm numblestly eating right now, at 3 PM in the afternoon which is where sometimes I struggle truthfully, between lunch and dinner is like why am I?

Jennifer Chapman:

am I really hungry or am I avoiding doing something right now that maybe feels hard or challenging, or um, challenging or tedious, or what am I procrastinating on? What am I not doing? It's a hard question, right? It's way easier to continue to eat the thing, definitely yeah or go, you know, meet up with a friend or watch another episode of something is asking why and that could go layers deep continuously asking why, why, why? I mean, it's like being a five-year-old. They're really inquisitive. We as adults sometimes are not because we're avoiding something, yeah.

Victoria Odekomaya:

And I think also that paying attention is also important, because if you're not even aware that you're just watching TV sitting down there or just eating, you can't even ask that question. Why Do you see what I mean Like 100% mindlessly just doing things? Because Right.

Jennifer Chapman:

And then you potentially have this remorse for me, right. You potentially have this remorse, this for me, right, like this eater's remorse, and maybe I I am, I'm really self-aware, so I can catch myself before I go, before you know, three or four years ago, where I would, I would eat too much and then then beat myself up, right where now I'm like okay, you don't need this, isn't what you're, that's, this isn't serving you, right now like take a step back, um, but again it comes back to kind of self-awareness, to your point, and it's you have to want to know why.

Jennifer Chapman:

And I think a lot of people are scared to know what that is. Because again it goes into avoiding the hard, avoiding the challenge, avoiding the pain. I think root cause of all of what we are seeing in the world today, whether you know, friends or family, friends, work, the biggest scale in the country right now is unhealed pain.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah, and you know, what makes it worse also is that no one is listening, right, you know it's so noisy out there listening, right, you know it's so noisy out there. So, even if you know you're half self-aware, it's almost like there's really nobody there to pour it out to. And I feel like that's why we need people like you, coaches like you, that can just help us give us that listening ear and help us just dig deeper, because everybody's busy, you know, with their own lives and you know so.

Jennifer Chapman:

I think a lot of people are looking for external answers versus going internal, going inside, and so for me, as a coach I mean I'm certainly here to hold up a mirror for my clients and I'm asking you to look A lot of people don't want to look in the mirror. Or a lot of people look in the mirror they don't see.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Look in the mirror they don't see themselves in the mirror.

Jennifer Chapman:

Oh, okay, that one. That's what I believe. Wow. And when they? Because they're scared to find out if. Who are they? If they do? That's where the power is, though that's where the magic is.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Let's dig into that a little bit. They don't see themselves. That is very deep. It's very powerful. Because so?

Jennifer Chapman:

yeah, I don't even know, because I'm not here to give you any answers if I can tap into the questions that get you those answers I mean that's, that's where it's at.

Jennifer Chapman:

yeah, um, because everything you want is within you. Yeah, it's just been buried potentially under, you know, generational patterns, society, cultural things. It's just buried the magic's within all of us and I am thrilled to get to work with clients or when I speak, and start to see that in them or then start to, you know, lean in with their own curiosity, to like, oh okay, he's in.

Victoria Odekomaya:

there she's in there.

Jennifer Chapman:

You just have to be ready. I can't want it more than you want it, and that's for anybody Like I can't help you more than you. You have to be willing and want to help yourself, and I think that was the a key difference for when I was going through my heart seven years ago and felt you know, I was crying in my car every day. Everybody needs help or support of some sort. You have to want it and I wanted it. I knew what I was doing was not going to continue to serve me well wow, okay.

Victoria Odekomaya:

So I'm imagining someone sitting listening to this or watching this and saying I'm ready. I've asked myself the why and I need help. How can?

Jennifer Chapman:

you help them First. I celebrate that. I want them to celebrate that. That's huge and that's a huge reason why I called my company Just Commit, because I get asked that a lot Like love your name, where'd you get it, where'd you come up with that? And it's it's I'm asking when I start to work with clients, I'm asking you to just commit. That sounds easy, nothing about it is, but nothing worth it is. And just committing is it's. It's. It's one decision, one choice at a time. It's one day at a time, it's 1% at a time. That's my encouragement to folks is kind of shift your mindset and thinking oh okay, I know I want to get to this, I want to be at a 10 at everything, and maybe right now you're feeling like you're at a two. Getting to a 10 may feel overwhelming and take a lot of steps, and that may be true. What does it look?

Jennifer Chapman:

like to get to a three, right. What does it look like to then get to a four and start to explore that it's? It's really looking at it and knowing we're taking small steps together. And another big piece of what I've learned by being a coach and what I know has helped support me as a client of several coaches over the last few years, is the accountability piece. So not only am I going to hold you accountable to the things you know, the steps and things and tools to try on each and every day and each and every week is and it's celebrating those things. Cause it's fascinating to me when I connect with a client after a week or every other week, whatever that looks like. It gets better through time, our time together.

Jennifer Chapman:

But even the first couple of times, the first question I always ask clients is like what are you celebrating today? Talk about how quick we forget to do that. Again, we're so hardwired for the negative that, like it takes I've seen it several times where it takes them a second to shift their mind and say because we want to focus on all the things we didn't do, right, but then when they start to rattle off the things they've done, I'm like are you kidding me. You just rattled off eight things that you could be celebrating that you did for yourself this last week.

Jennifer Chapman:

So, keeping in mind like it's hard to upgrade our habits and our behaviors right, I mean, but it's what we do when we, you know, on the days where it's like, man, I had a five day streak of meditating right, or a 10 day streak, or or working out in the day that we don't, what do you do to get yourself motivated to do it again the next day? Do you beat yourself up because you broke your streak, or do you get, you know, get back up and do it again and celebrate yourself because you did it again? There's so much there. I know I just said a whole lot there, but it's the accountability that I give my clients, as well as celebrating you, never forgetting that, shifting the mindset, coming back to who you are and that's another point, I think is we all forget who we are because we're tied to what we do.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Yeah.

Jennifer Chapman:

All the roles we play, all the titles and that, and so it's fascinating. When I ask somebody who are you, the easy answer for everybody is oh, I'm a mom, I'm a spouse, I'm an executive here, I'm this or that, and it's like no, those are all titles, those are all roles that you play. Who are you? Here's come up more than that. This is bringing them back to the qualities they have, the gifts, the strengths. Lead with those.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Okay, okay, wow. So I know you have another masterclass coming up. I do. You got to tell us about that because I know I'm going to join it and I know there's so many people listening now. They're like okay, I need a taste of this.

Jennifer Chapman:

Thank you, and thank you for showing up to my first masterclass last month.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Oh, I learned it so much Like I'm even keeping my legacy. You know I'm keeping my kids, you know learning so yes, I appreciate that a lot.

Jennifer Chapman:

So my next masterclass is March 18th. It's on a Tuesday at 12 pm, again, so lunchtime and it's all about self-care is such a huge word and it means so much more than I think we think that it does, and so I'm going to be providing strategies and tools that you can use to prioritize yourself without guilt.

Jennifer Chapman:

Because a lot of times what I hear is well, I don't have time, yes. Well, when you change that word time with priority, that hits different, because a lot of times you're saying you don't have time for you, I don't have time to get a workout in today, I don't have time to go for a quick walk in between meetings, I don't have time to whatever that next. You know, whatever that answer is, for you it's like well, I'm not making that a priority, I'm not making myself a priority for doing the workout or going for that walk, or choosing a better food versus the convenience of running through whatever that is. It changes. So what are you know being able to provide certain strategies and ways of being able to give that to yourself without guilt? Because you can't. What's there's? There's a famous quote that I that I heard, where it's like we're giving those we love the rest of us versus the best of us.

Victoria Odekomaya:

I'm so cutie.

Jennifer Chapman:

So why do we not want to give everybody we love the best of us? Why do we, as women, we always leave us for last. That doesn't serve anyone well. So that's my next masterclass and what I'm excited to help you know, share with women and empower them. And empower you know women like you why it's so important to put yourself first.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Well, thank you, and I cannot wait to come again. So make sure you mark your calendar. All the details will be in the show notes. But how can people get in touch with you?

Jennifer Chapman:

Yeah, thank you. So I created the Just Commit community and so if you go to my website and enter in your email, you'll see bi-monthly communication from me with masterclasses that are coming up. I offer small group coaching programs, so my next cohort starts April 1st. So if you're interested in that, hook up with me for a complimentary call to explore that further. And I'm most active on LinkedIn, so find me on LinkedIn. I post there most every day of the week.

Victoria Odekomaya:

Wow, thank you so much for your time today. I feel like you have helped me even more so than the last time, and I'm sure a lot of people can say the same thing too.

Jennifer Chapman:

Thanks so much for having me. I just want to share what I've learned in my life lessons, because I'm not special and the fact that I've experienced tough or hard or loss or grief it's all universal. I have found just healthier ways to help myself and others move forward in a healthier way and a more positive way.

Victoria Odekomaya:

It's wonderful. So my question as we leave today is ask yourself, whatever you're doing right now, why, why are you doing that? And if you don't have an answer for that, then you need to contact Jennifer or show up at that masterclass or, in case you're watching this, after the masterclass is over, get on our website and seek out resources to help you dig deeper, to answer that question for you. Until next time, I hope you find your why. Take care.

People on this episode

Contributor

Victoria Odekomaya

Host